90 Nostalgias

Fairy Tales and Happy Endings

“Life is cancelled!!!!!!!!!!!!”, she thought after closing the door behind her. She carried her tiny suitcase of memories and nothing else. The personal belongings inspector took all her past and listed it in a big piece of paper: love, 3 letters and 20 photos; friends, too much; books, so smart. She couldn´t cry. Her eyes were dry. She went down the stairs and never looked back. She was scared: “I might become in a pillar of salt, like Lot´s wife.”

Everything was strange around her: the man who held her hand, the dog who bit a bone, the car which lights blinded her. She was a strange for them too. She had a heart without address, a brain without a hook. The day after tomorrow could be the future, or not. She was living, right now, in a non-day- without beginning or end-, in a place without rules, with a dead-alive leader, and broken hopes. She was a sleeping beauty, awaked.

But she was looking for something, or someone, or some…She was always looking. In the streets, she crossed her sight with a woman, whose lips formed a shiny smile and an inaudible “congratulation”. Her eyes showed a mixed sadness, a perfect nuance of feelings: “I need to go, but I have to stay”. Stayed where, when, for what? She stared her for an infinite little moment. She wanted to drink all the misery, beliefs and doubts in those eyes with a heavy charge of fear carried on.  Instead of that, the woman eyes avoided her and focused in other eyes, big ones in a poster. Two eyes, one smile, one idea: “Vamos Bien”. Don´t forget about it, or him…Because he was there all the time.

She walked away, one block, another…everything looked grey. She found that color for the first time in her life. When she was a child everything was white. Later, she grew up; thus, all became black, a pretty one or a dark one, but black. Grey was nice it, was middle tone, unfinished…She had the choice to complete by herself. In that moment, she remembered Mel Gibson’s phrase in a movie ending, just one word: FREEDOM. “Why am I thinking that?”  She interrogated her watch and felt free. “Thankfully, time is an ally”. One thought came to her mind, she wished to be a movie character that could say anything or did anything. She desired to be Mel Gibson and screamed aloud: FREEDOM!!!!!  FREEDOM?????

Once upon a time, she took a plane. She kissed too many cheeks and a pair of lips with a very sweet taste inside. She missed those lips; that body, that soil, that noise….deeply in the plane, deeply inside her. She had been an artist hiding her feelings; only the plane could notice her anguish. In a while, she landed in a very warm place, almost as warm as her own place. At the door, she crossed her sight with another woman, whose lips formed a scandalous smile and her voice shouted a powerful “welcome”, while she looked in front of her a big poster with two eyes, one smile, and one idea: “we fixed her heart, so in ten years she can breaks…”.

Finally, she found what she was looking for. She realized that she needed to be fixed, and there was the promise. She needed time, and they had promised ten years. She decided after, waiting for so long, and maybe in between, that would change the suitcase full of memories for a big one, the lips for the sweetest, the body…everything, except the soil, which always would be irreplaceable. She never said anything, but everybody heard her voice shouting: FREEDOM.

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